Nimrod of Nump

Nimrod of Nump was a mage of, it's presumed, Nump in the Misbegotten Realms. He was renowned as the greatest schlemiel of that world.

Home
He once had a lair in the aptly named Verdant Forest, later known less aptly as the Verdant Desert. These two facts seem closely related.

History
Although possessed of some faint flickers of magical talent, Nimrod was quite lacking in the aspects of management, application, and forethought. He was in fact a prolific inventor of magical spells and magical items and magical mistakes. His proudest (others might say worst) achievement was the cylindrical scroll.

Whilst trying to enhance the basic spell erase, Nimrod seems to have made his final mistake and erased not only it, but himself too.

Legacy
After Nimrod's timely expiry, a number of his cylindrical scrolls remained lost, or maybe dumped, in various dungeons of the Misbegotten Realms and were a bane on unwary adventurers. His magical items, similarly, lay lost in certain treasure hoards and vaults, usually as a defence mechanism against such adventures.

Some of the cylindrical scrolls came into the possession of several adventuring companies and those who survived chose to collect them together and secure them safely away from the world. The wizard Elkwhisker later discovered this trove of cylindrical scrolls, hidden in a dumpster behind the House of Out in the Kingdom of Slumdudgeon. Who knows how they got there.

Circa 1989 CE, Elkwhisker visited Earth and put occasional Dragon magazine contributor John M. Maxstadt to sleep telling him about Nimrod of Nump.

Cylindrical Scrolls
Nimrod of Nump's cylindrical scroll was a unique form of magical scroll where the top joined seamlessly to the bottom, forming a continuous tube of parchment. An amazing side-effect, likely unintentional, was that spells inscribed on the scroll stayed there forever, no matter how often they were cast or copied. A terrible side-effect was that spells inscribed on the scroll stayed there forever, no matter how often they were cast or copied. This was because Nimrod neglected to include descriptions of spell effects and the circular nature of the scroll joined one to spell to another, so casting them was liable to be catastrophic.

Spells
For some reason, Elkwhisker recorded the following of Nimrod cylindrical scrolls and the spells thereon:
 * Scroll the First – Bumfoozle's Bane: find terrain • explosive familiar • invisible runes • wizard's stalker • Bigby's interposing eye • remove hand (caster's own) • audible curse • hallucinatory glamer
 * Scroll the Second – Odod's Oracle: burning mouth • locate hands (companion to remove hand) • detect object • feign invisibility • Drawmij's instant death • magic summons
 * Scroll the Third – Goophus's Grimoire: speak with mud • charm dead • water plant • stone breathing • affect shape • detect normal fires • wall of evil • transmute rock to stone
 * Scroll the Ancient Yule-Tide Carol – Falalalala Lalalala: wall of missiles • minor globe of iron • monster invulnerability • fools summoning III • protection from normal gold

More Magical Items!
Some of Nimrod of Nump's other magical items were as follows:
 * ring of spell "turning" • ring of Hunan influence • staff of striking (Local 531) • candle of convocation • rug of mothering • omelet of the planes • medallion of EST • net of sneering • graffiti bottle • censor controlling air elementals • hammer +3, dwarf thrower • helm of brilliance, 40 Watt • liar of building • robe of blending (warning 3-speed) • robe of useless items

All were valued at absolutely no more than 6 gp, unless the seller just paid one to take them away.

Background
Nimrod of Nump is described in a pair of articles parodying the Forgotten Realms for two April Fool's issues of Dragon magazine, and as such is assumed to be non-canon. Despite this, Nimrod's magic items were reprinted in Encyclopedia Magica Volumes I, II, III, and IV, making them technically D&D canon. Hence Nimrod and some of these items are included for interest, and as leftovers of one of our own April Fool's gags.