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This article covers a subject that has been deemed non-canonical by either the author or the Forgotten Realms licensees, and thus should not be taken as a part of the "real" Forgotten Realms universe. Should there be a need to discuss this further, please do so on the talk page.

Nimrod of Nump was a mage of, it's presumed, Nump in the Misbegotten Realms. He was renowned as the greatest schlemiel of that world.[1][2]

Home[edit | edit source]

He once had a lair in the aptly named Verdant Forest, later known less aptly as the Verdant Desert. These two facts seem closely related.[1]

History[edit | edit source]

Although possessed of some faint flickers of magical talent, Nimrod was quite lacking in the aspects of management, application, and forethought. He was in fact a prolific inventor of magical spells and magical items and magical mistakes. His proudest (others might say worst) achievement was the cylindrical scroll.[1]

Whilst trying to enhance the basic spell erase, Nimrod seems to have made his final mistake and erased not only it, but himself too.[1]

Legacy[edit | edit source]

After Nimrod's timely expiry, a number of his cylindrical scrolls remained lost, or maybe dumped, in various dungeons of the Misbegotten Realms and were a bane on unwary adventurers.[1] His magical items, similarly, lay lost in certain treasure hoards and vaults, usually as a defence mechanism against such adventures.[2]

Some of the cylindrical scrolls came into the possession of several adventuring companies and those who survived chose to collect them together and secure them safely away from the world. The wizard Elkwhisker later discovered this trove of cylindrical scrolls, hidden in a dumpster behind the House of Out in the Kingdom of Slumdudgeon. Who knows how they got there.[1]

It must not be supposed that all the mages of old were wise, clever, or even mentally competent.
— Elkwhisker on Nimrod[1]

Circa 1989 CE, Elkwhisker visited Earth and put occasional Dragon magazine contributor John M. Maxstadt to sleep telling him about Nimrod of Nump.[1]

Inventions[edit | edit source]

Cylindrical Scrolls[edit | edit source]

Nimrod of Nump's cylindrical scroll was a unique form of magical scroll where the top joined seamlessly to the bottom, forming a continuous tube of parchment. An amazing side-effect, likely unintentional, was that spells inscribed on the scroll stayed there forever, no matter how often they were cast or copied. A terrible side-effect was that spells inscribed on the scroll stayed there forever, no matter how often they were cast or copied. This was because Nimrod neglected to include descriptions of spell effects and the circular nature of the scroll joined one to spell to another, so casting them was liable to be catastrophic.[1]

Spells[edit | edit source]

For some reason, Elkwhisker recorded the following of Nimrod cylindrical scrolls and the spells thereon:

Scroll the First – Bumfoozle's Bane
find terrainexplosive familiarinvisible runeswizard's stalkerBigby's interposing eyeremove hand (caster's own) • audible cursehallucinatory glamer
Scroll the Second – Odod's Oracle
burning mouthlocate hands (companion to remove hand) • detect objectfeign invisibilityDrawmij's instant deathmagic summons
Scroll the Third – Goophus's Grimoire
speak with mudcharm deadwater plantstone breathingaffect shapedetect normal fireswall of eviltransmute rock to stone
Scroll the Ancient Yule-Tide Carol – Falalalala Lalalala
wall of missilesminor globe of ironmonster invulnerabilityfools summoning IIIprotection from normal gold[3]

More Magical Items![edit | edit source]

Lemme try this and see what it d—AAAAAGGGHHHH!!! GET IT OFF ME! AAAAAAAAA—[choke, gasp, cough, collapse]
— Recording of discovery of one of Nimrod's treasures[2]

Some of Nimrod of Nump's other magical items were as follows:

ring of spell "turning"ring of Hunan influencestaff of striking (Local 531)candle of convocationrug of motheringomelet of the planesmedallion of ESTnet of sneeringgraffiti bottlecensor controlling air elementalshammer +3, dwarf throwerhelm of brilliance, 40 Wattliar of buildingrobe of blending (warning 3-speed)robe of useless items[2]

All were valued at absolutely no more than 6 gp, unless the seller just paid one to take them away.[2]

Appendix[edit | edit source]

Background[edit | edit source]

Nimrod of Nump is described in a pair of articles parodying the Forgotten Realms for two April Fool's issues of Dragon magazine, and as such is assumed to be non-canon. Despite this, Nimrod's magic items were reprinted in Encyclopedia Magica Volumes I, II, III, and IV, making them technically D&D canon. Hence Nimrod and some of these items are included for interest, and as leftovers of one of our own April Fool's gags.

References[edit | edit source]

  1. 1.0 1.1 1.2 1.3 1.4 1.5 1.6 1.7 1.8 1.9 John M. Maxstadt (April 1989). “Still More Outrages From the Mages”. In Roger E. Moore ed. Dragon #144 (TSR, Inc.), p. 32.
  2. 2.0 2.1 2.2 2.3 2.4 John M. Maxstadt (April 1990). “Yet Even More [Gods Forbid] Outrages From the Mages”. In Roger E. Moore ed. Dragon #156 (TSR, Inc.), pp. 27–28.
  3. John M. Maxstadt (April 1989). “Still More Outrages From the Mages”. In Roger E. Moore ed. Dragon #144 (TSR, Inc.), pp. 32, 34, 37, 79.
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